When did you last see your father

Finished reading this memoir by the same name that mum left back on her last visit and watched the film made on it .. and it took me back to the past and lot of old memories.. The last time I saw my father was more than a decade back when he was brought wrapped in the Indian tricolour to the cremation grounds and had the end he would probably have wanted himself, with the 21 gun salutes and all the honour..

The movie is well directed and has jim broadbent and colin firth do a fabulous job . The memoir talks about Morrison, the author trying to understand his father and their relationship and that takes me back to my relationship with my dad whom I never understood.
While growing up as a kid , he was away most of the time at the toughest of postings except for 2 family postings he had. I always found him geared towards his soldiers and regiment more than us and was willing to die for them. He never spoke about himself or his childhood but all I learnt was from my mum and his brothers was that he was a true soldier, Rimcolian, NDA blues ( recvd the regimental flag from the then president of India zakir hussian), bunch of state records in sports, IMA, one of the youngest commanders in the Army. What I found tough to understand as a kid was that he had his way of putting his things across, when in person he would be really tough but while away he would write wonderful motivational letters to let me know that he was proud of my tennis and school achievements and he would tell the same to his friends.
Taking part in the war at Sri Lanka as part of the IPKF was the final blow that changed him even more as he had all the demons from the battleground to fight with, with all the lost soldiers and causalities.I think I seem to understand him a little more now but not completely !

Comments

Kanchan said…
You must be so proud of your father! I too have come across people who prefer to express their emotions through the written word rather than in person. I remember when I was in junior college I had participated in an elocution competition and stood second. It was reported in the local newspaper and my father wrote the word Congratulations!' next to the write up. Had I not read the paper that day I would have not seen it. He didn't say a word to me while I was in front of him in flesh and blood!
Will watch When did you last see your father. And nice to see new posts on your blog.
4:25 AM
Anuradha said…
Yeah that includes me, I am a lot better expressing myself when I write down my thoughts than verbally but yeah I regret not knowing my father, it might have been different if he was still around.. One tends to look back trying to understand who one is by also understanding once own parents..
9:17 PM
Anonymous said…
I remember whenever he came home for the holidays he would lie in bed with his fist raised and keep staring at it and thinking for hours. When we would ask him what was he thinking about, he would always have a standard reply, "nothing".

Maybe all those years of living by himself, starting from school days in the hostel and then being in the infantry and posted at the border for years made it difficult for him to communicate with his own family. I used to however always be sad that he would be so gregarious with his friends but not with us.

I think the last couple of years when he finally got used to living with a family he had changed. Unfortunately we could not enjoy that phase as he passed away soon.

As you said he lived for his soldiers and literally died with them around him.They were more family to him than we were.

I would have wanted him to see us now. Remember, how he used to say that he'll live 6 months with each of us after he retires?

In so many ways I miss him more now than when we were kids.
10:33 PM
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